Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
