Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
