he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
