remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
