do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
