I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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