I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
