i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize