You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
