Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
we should paint friendship bongs
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