I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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