I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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