kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
