Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
