Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
