Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
