More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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