woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
