LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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