I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
