you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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