How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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