What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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