This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
