Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
