it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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