he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
People with herpes should wear stickers.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
