So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
