He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
