Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
