I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
