im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
