So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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