if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
