Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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