I will die if light touches me.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
