Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
