It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
