I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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