She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Are my feet made of real feet?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize