don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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