what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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