I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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