My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
