oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize