My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
