I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
