I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
