we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
