if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize