How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
