Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
