Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
