I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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