I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
