I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
