I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
