I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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