i think my mom watched the whole time
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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