What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
