I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
