he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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