If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
