Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it was like eating out sand paper
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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