Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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