Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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