I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
