Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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