how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
