i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's just like the Real World with babies
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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