guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize