you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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