he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
