What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
