I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize