why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
