I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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