i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
