I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
