I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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