Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
