Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
