I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
