I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize