is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
