think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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