Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
