Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have demons in me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
