Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
