You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
