U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
