You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize