just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
