I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
