currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
