I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
