You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
