even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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