I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
