Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
