Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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